MY LIFE... ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I have to say that today was one of the scariest days of my life. There have been rumors for months. I even had my own thoughts on what would happen, I would even say that I felt prepared for when this day actually arrived.

I came in this morning, logged in and opened my outlook like normal. I then poured my water over ice and got ready to start my day. I then checked my email (because my outlook takes a while to open up) and I saw it, right there. It could be my fate... the meeting planner for a department wide meeting. I immediately got knots in my stomach and felt like I was going to throw up.

I tried to carry on with my day as normal. I went to our farewell lunch with my boss. We ate pizza, laughed, and gave Nicole her little gifts from us. We then went back to the office and got ready for our meeting. Walking into the building was different this time. People were crying and watching each other. We then were told to take our personal things and log out before going to the meeting.

We made our way to the conference room where the meeting was taking place. We sat for about 20 minutes in suspense. My stomach still in knots, my entire body shaking, and I couldn't decide if I was going to throw up or pee my pants. I was scared, I had no control... and to think I felt prepared prior to this day. Looking around the room everyone was trying to see what others were talking about, trying to see if anyone knew anything.

I was sitting there and noticed that my friend was nowhere to be found yet he left before me. A co-worker and I notice that there are people missing from our department. I decide to text my friend to see where he was. Then the texts start... he was in a different room. He was sent to a different location for the meeting. I then get more nervous, trying to figure out what this means.

VP's from Academics and Finance walk in and I thought "oh no! Here we go" They stayed in the front of the room waiting for other members of the VP and HR team. We talked a little and I was on my phone receiving texts from friends and giving my husband a play by play.

I then find out that my friend was let go. My heart broke for him and I am more confused than ever because I still have no idea what is going to happen to all of us in the room.

My friend then texts me "they are on their way to you now." I don't know how to feel.

The Regional VP comes in with our VP and a few other higher ups and proceeds to tell us what has been going on, she asks a few rhetorical questions and I felt like time was moving in slow motion. She then tells us that we do have our jobs and will stay in our current positions until August 31st and as of September 1st we will be in new departments. They did away with my department but I still have a job.

At this moment I am happy, sad, guilty, disappointed, relieved, scared, grateful, and blessed.
We did not return to work after the meeting and I will be going in at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow because my parents will be in town. Kevin and I then leave on our cruise to the Bahamas on Sunday.

I am mentally drained. I do feel lucky but feel so bad for those that were let go. Especially my friend Caleb. He is a wonderful person and means well. He didn't die, he was just let go. I will still see him and he is my number one customer for pickles :) I have been able to see him grow and mature into a more professional version of what he once was.

OK, I am back to cleaning! I just had to get my thoughts out.