Trauma, Prayer, Blessings, and Support

So I haven't posted on here in a long time. Almost a year, actually. My last post was about the light of my life being born. This year has been amazing and I cannot believe how much I love Connor. He really is the greatest joy and has touched so many hearts. Well, what does this have to do with the title of this blog entry? Here we go. I write this as he is sleeping in his pack n play all by himself and I am trying to cry softly to not wake him up. September 15th started out as such a good day. I got a steal on a pack n play for 15.00, I talked with my best friend as she vented about her wedding planning frustrations, Connor and I played and laughed, we joined our family at my nephews football game, after the game we stopped for lunch and went home to play some more and this was all before 3:00. At around 3:00/3:15/3:30 my world came crashing to a halt. Connor was playing with his new blocks when our family dog of 7 years viciously attacked him. Rocky (the dog) grabbed Connor by the face taking him down to the ground on our tile floor. I tried to get him off of Connor and was unsuccessful, this resulting in the dog re-latching and grabbing a hold of Connors skull. I was able to get him off and called 911. Blood was everywhere and Connor was screaming and his face and skull were covered by flowing rivers of bloods. I thought my son was going to die at that moment and I had failed as a parent. At this point I was still in shock and crying uncontrollably. I had never been this scared in my life. My son is my whole world and I couldn't imagine my life without him. The firetruck showed up first and the firefighters helped me put Connor in his car seat and we wrapped his head with a towel. They took him before I could even realize it. By this time I had police, fire fighters, EMTs and who knows who else. It was all a blur. A fire fighter named Dawn cleaned me up a little to make sure I was not injured and was nice enough to drive me to the hospital in my car while I called my husband, Kevin, who was in Arizona at the time, my parents, and my sister. I also called my best friend but she had been drinking all day and couldn't comprehend what I was trying to tell her. We arrived at Inland Valley Hospital where I was greeted by my parents, the ER doctor, a trauma counselor, and more police. I tried to help calm down Connor, but I couldn't. I kissed his hand as they put him in a medically induced coma and put him on a breathing machine. I explained what happened to the police officers and sheriffs, as well as the trauma counselor while I got ready to go in the medi vac. The hospital could not help Connor so we were air lifted to Riverside County Hospital. It's hard to see police, doctors, and counselors tear up as you tell them the story. These people see things like this all of the time, but this made them think of their own children. I was still in shock the entire medi vac ride. It was interesting though, I felt numb at that moment. Like life was going on around me, but I was standing still. I was worried. Worried about my husband who was driving home from Arizona. We landed at the hospital and I was greeted by an administrator filled out all of my paperwork for me while the ER staff began to work on Connor. The ER staff were all outstanding. They kept me in the loop 100% of the time as I sat right outside the room. They would let me go in to hold his hand often. One of the nurses put all of my family in a room so they didn't have to wait in the waiting room and so they could relay information. I was by myself in the ER most of the time. My Dad did come back to stay with me, My mother in law came back to see him as well. My mom tried but it was too hard for her and a nurse had to help her back to the family room. After a few hours, this hospital decided they didn't have the resources needed to treat Connor so he was then ambulanced to Loma Linda Children's Hospital where Kevin met us. The ride to Loma Linda was crazy. I was not able to ride in the ambulance so my parents drove me. My dad took this crazy canyon road and i thought I was going to be sick. While driving to the hospital I received a call from the sheriff that met me at the first hospital. His shift had just ended and he went to the second hospital to see how Connor was doing. It warmed my heart to have a sheriff, off the clock, go to the hospital to see how Connor was doing. He also asked if I had heard from Kevin to see how he was doing on his drive. He just cared so much. I held back my tears for the entire phone conversation with him until he said the he and his family would pray for us in church the next day. I couldn't help but break down. I was just overcome with emotion. We arrived at Loma Linda Pediatric Emergency Room and I saw Kevin for the first time in a week (he was away for business). The first thing I said to him was how sorry I was that I couldn't have prevented this and how I tried so hard to get Rocky off of Connor the first time, but he was just too strong, but that I was able to get him off my second try. I got him caught up to speed on what the doctors had been telling me. We both sat in the ER while the doctors worked on Connor. The Neurosurgeon talked with us and explained what he would be doing to Connors skull and scalp. He went over the multiple fractures to the skull and how one fracture was more severe. He operated on Connor right in the ER. The Ear Nose an Throat surgeon discussed his plan for the next day, because that surgery would be more invasive and take about 4 hours. He described the possible facial paralysis and other damage caused and how he intended to fix it. I think the thing that affected us the most is that Connor may never be able to smile again. Connor has the best smile and it warms the heart of anyone that sees it. Kevin and I both broke down. We were moved into the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit)where we remained until the 21st. We had the best nurses and doctors. Connors facial surgery took place on September 16th. After surgery The ENT head surgeon went over the outcome with me. He stated that the nerves they thought were severed were in fact not. It was tendons that were severed which is far less severe. Connor will most likely be able to smile!! They did have to repair a large amount of his face, re attach his ear, reconstruct his ear canal, and to do plastic surgery to his face as well. Connor remained sedated for almost 5 days. He did well when they removed his breathing tube. He did have to go through withdrawals from the heavy drugs which was tough to watch as he shook and cried. It was tough to see my baby in a bed with tubes everywhere and unable to move. He could move his arms, but couldn't talk or clap or smile or anything he normally did. He couldn't even open his eyes due to the swelling of his face and head. It was tough because the day after surgery he started to swell and bruise. His face was like a side ways oval instead of round. The one thing I was not prepared for was that he would have to re-learn everything all over. He could not suck, chew, swallow, sit, talk, clap, mummble, anything. It broke my heart. Especially because Connor did everything early. He walked at 9 months and is always on the go. It took him a day to learn how to suck. Swallowing was still a bit tough. Chewing took a few days. Sitting up took a few days as well and still needed assistance for about a week and a half. He was released from the hospital on the 23rd and remains at home progressing with his recovery. No one expected him to be released that early. He had just come so far in such a short period of time. They let him go home as soon as he received his last round of antibiotics. He has had multiple follow up appointments and his surgeons are so happily surprised with his progress. He is very close to walking again and is almost back 100%. There is still more of the story I could tell, but I think this about sums it up. We are thankful for all of the prayers and good thoughts. We are also incredibly thankful to our family and TRUE friends that stuck by our little Connor while he went through this. You all really gave us the strength to continue on. As of right now- Connor is fighting an infection on his scalp and is healing nicely. He is taking an antibiotic twice a day for his infection and we are applying scar cream to his face and ear three times a day. He is clapping, singing, talking, dancing, and warming peoples hearts again. The road to recovery is not over as the left side of his face is still weak, but they expect it to continue to heal. Thank you or as Connor says "tay tu"

Birth Story (4 weeks late)

So I want to apologize in advance for any errors and also the length of this :)

We were supposed to go in on September 25th so I would deliver on the 26th (my birthday), but they rescheduled without letting us know. We were rescheduled for the 28th so we would deliver on the 29th. We got the call to come in to the hospital around 5:00 p.m. They asked if we could be there at 7:30 p.m. to start the process. We arrived at the hospital around 7:00 and were settled into our room (Labor and Delivery room 5) by 7:30. My nurse came in and we filled out paperwork for about an hour… holy crap, can you believe trying to fill all of that out while in labor? I would DIE!!! They checked me (OUCH) and I was not dilated and my cervix was still tough. They started me on gels to soften my cervix. We did 3 cycles every three hours. It was kind of weird; the nurse would insert the gel, I would lie in bed for an hour and then walk the halls of the hospital for 30 to 45 minutes and then I would lie in bed for the rest of the time and then we would repeat the process. The night actually went by very fast. I thought it would drag on, but it was the opposite. Early in the morning I was checked again and with no change I was started on Pitocin.
Let me take a second to talk about my IV experience… holy moly! I was swollen, like everything was swollen. Even my wrists and hands were swollen so bad that my veins kept “rolling”. It took about 20-30 minutes to do my IV and it hurt like crazy. I could not believe that it could hurt that bad. I did however do awesome through the whole process. I was also great when my blood was taken.
Okay- back to the process  shortly after the Pitocin was started my doctor (Dr. Melissa Austin) can in to check me. I was about 1cm, she told me not to be a hero and to get my Epidural whenever I wanted and that she would be back in a few hours to break my water. I definitely wanted to make sure to get my magic juice before she came back to break my water. It hurt so badly when she would check me, so I wanted to make sure I was numb when she came back to break my water. I just want to mention that getting the epidural did not hurt at all!!! My IV hurt way worse and I didn’t even feel the epidural.
My nurses were amazing and I even had a male nursing student helping out. He was very excited and thankful that I let him help out because all of the other patients he asked said no.
I was not making much progress and was checked every two hours or so throughout the day. My contractions would get stronger and then die down. I was checked around 7:00 p.m. (reminder, I have been here for 24 hours at this point) and I was about 4cm dilated. 4cm? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Although, I wasn’t surprised, for some reason I just knew my body wouldn’t help me through this process. I eventually got to 5cm, but stopped making progress. At 10:00p.m. My doctor made the call to go ahead with a c-section. (In the beginning of my pregnancy I was told that I had an issue and would most likely have to go with a c-section. I researched and thought I had prepared myself mentally. My issue cleared up around my 4th month and I didn’t think about the c-section again.) After being told that I was going to have a c-section, I realized I was not mentally prepared and started to worry. I was also relieved because by this time I was shaking so bad from the epidural that it was a little scary. By 10:30 p.m. my nurse was getting me ready for my c-section and I had Connor at 11:00p.m.
The c-section experience is quite odd. I was wheeled in there, strapped down and when they were ready to start they brought Kevin in. It felt like Kevin had only been in there for a minute or so and Connor graced us with his presence. They showed him to us, but I missed it because I had my eyes closed. Right after Connor was born, Kevin went with him. We did take a few pictures and then Kevin left with the baby. I was in there for about 45 minutes to an hour while they were sewing me up and then was taken to recovery.
I was in recovery for about 20 minutes before Kevin and Connor came in. I didn’t expect to be so out of it. I could barely even talk; I was running a fever and was so hot! It did break my heart that I could hold my son when he was brought in to the recovery room. I couldn’t even lift my arms. It also broke my heart that I couldn’t feed him for the first time. It did however, let Kevin experience that first. We stayed in the recovery room for another hour or so and then taken into our room (2021). I cannot rave enough about the nursing staff at this hospital. They were all so great and I am so thankful for them. I was released on Sunday around 3:00 p.m. and even received a call the next morning from the hospital to see how I was doing. I was happy to be home except I really got used to pre-ordering my food and having it delivered to me. I was also getting used to my favorite nurse, Jenn, bringing me cranberry juice with extra ice every hour or so. But it was great to be home as a family 
We did have some visitors:
Michelle and Junior (Friday afternoon)
Kevin’s Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt Carla, and Cousin Tiffany (Friday evening)
Erica (Saturday afternoon)

I am so thankful for my husband. He was the best person to have at my side through this journey. I couldn’t imagine having anyone else at my side.

How far along? 14 weeks and 5 days

Maternity Clothes? Not yet,but I did order my first few things online.

Stretch Marks? nope

Sleep? Need more of it. I wish I could sleep all day!

Best Moment This Week: ordering the changing table and stroller :)

Movement: No movement

Food Cravings:Steak, pickles, nachos.

Gender: Should find out on Tuesday!!!

Labor Signs: no

Belly Button: in

What I miss: I still miss beer...We were watching the Cubs game today and everyone had beer and I was JEALOUS!

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender on Tuesday.

Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy the good days and push through the bad ones.

Milestones: Making it through last week!

Baby Update #2

How far along? 12 weeks 5 days

Maternity Clothes? Not yet, but I think they are starting to call my name. My jeans still fit, they are getting a little tighter. My belly is just starting to push my pants down so I constantly have to pull them up.

Stretch Marks? nope

Sleep? Need more of it. I wish I could sleep all day!

Best Moment This Week: Getting the crib and a dresser thing in the mail. I know it's early, but I am a planner!

Movement: I read that movement at this stage feels like bubbles... I think I felt bubbles but I wasn't sure. So I am going to go with maybe?

Food Cravings:Meat, meat, meat and more meat!!!

Gender: Ask me again on April 12th!!! This baby better work with us. My boss went in with his wife last week and their baby wouldn't let them see. I don't know what I would do... I would be sad.

Labor Signs: no

Belly Button: in

What I miss: Beer. I went to a baseball game and a hockey game where I would usually enjoy a beverage or two. It wasn't tough not to, but I was jealous of every person that I saw with a beer :)

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender in a few weeks and not having morning sickness.

Weekly Wisdom: Try to make your family as included as you can.

Milestones: Getting this far.

Baby on the Way!!!

How far along? 11 weeks and 5 days

Maternity Clothes? nope... my pants still fit and are actually a bit too big.

Stretch Marks? nope

Sleep? yes please! I cannot get enough!!!

Best Moment This Week: Seeing our little jumping bean moving around during my second ultrasound.

Movement: Not that I can feel but the baby kept moving around during the u/s

Food Cravings: STEAK!!!

Gender: Should find out in 4 weeks, but I think it may be a boy

Labor Signs: Can I say MORNING SICKNESS!!!!

Belly Button: in

What I miss: beer and not throwing up everyday

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender

Weekly Wisdom: Always say you are sorry. I have been pretty cranky lately and my husband is being great but I do apologize.

Milestones: Getting to 11 weeks

Catching Up!

Day10 - A dream you had this past week described in detail
I had a dream that my husband made me go get a flu shot. If anyone knows me, they know I am deathly afraid of needles, shots, hospitals, and blood. Well my husband drug me to Wal-Mart and handcuffed me to the pharmacy window with a note that said I needed a flu shot and to not let me talk them out of it. It was awful!!


Day11 - Favorite picture ever taken of yourself



This is my favorite picture because Kevin and I were in Miami for the first time. It was a perfect night.



Day12 - Your favorite musical artist’s life story




Ben Harper is one of my favorite musicians. I personally think he is amazing!

His Bio:
Personal Information

Born Ben Harper on October 28, 1969, in Pomona, CA; son of Leonard and Ellen Harper; divorced; children: C. J. and Harris.

Career

Singer-songwriter. Performed on tour with Taj Mahal, 1992; collaborated with Mahal on soundtrack for The Drinking Gourd, a biography of Harriet Tubman; toured United States as both solo and warm-up act with his band The Innocent Criminals, 1994-95; toured United States, Europe, and New Zealand, 1995-97; recording artist for Virgin Records, 1994-01; headlined at HORDE Festival and Montreux Jazz Festival; founded own record label, Inland Emperor Records, 2001- .

Life's Work

Singer-songwriter Ben Harper came into the national spotlight as a retro 1960s- type folksinger, with songs such as "Like a King," which protested the Rodney King beating while referring at the same time to the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr. He also appeared onstage singing his own adaptation of Maya Angelou's "And Still I Rise" without accompaniment, with his fist raised in the air. It soon became evident that Harper could do more than write earnest protest songs with just an acoustic guitar. In the years since the release of his first album, Harper has been called the heir to Bob Marley as well as Jimi Hendrix. On a recent album, Live From Mars, Harper performed quiet and reverent gospel songs and covered hard-rocking Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love." Harper's versatility has become a hallmark of his short but powerful career.

Harper was was October 28, 1969, in Pomona, California, and was raised in the Inland Empire region 50 miles east of Los Angeles. It is no wonder that Harper is able to draw from so many sources for his musical inspiration. His grandparents Charles and Dorothy Chase opened a music store in 1958 called the Claremont Folk Music Center. His grandfather played the lute and his grandmother played the guitar. Harper's parents were also musically inclined. His mother, Ellen, sang and played guitar while his father, Leonard, played the drums. Harper grew up in an environment saturated with many different types of music as well as books and different instruments from all over the world. When he was a teenager Harper listened to hip-hop, but his musical compass had already been set--he would play the music that he had grown up with--American roots music.

In his late teens Harper began to drift away from rap music and move toward the roots of today's popular music--the blues. He began to play Robert Johnson and Son House, key figures in the formation of the Delta Blues tradition from the 1920s. It was this reverence for the old traditional forms of music that led him to his trademark sound, which comes from playing bottleneck slide guitar.

Harper told Jas Obrecht of Guitar Player about the influence of the early blues masters on his development as an artist: "I'd play those records at night, and then I'd go to school and hear them in my mind. The music that I was brought up with puts me in a trance, and that's the channel to the spirit of my music. I woodshedded on the bottleneck for years, putting in hours and hours a day to where morning would turn to night. I did that from the time I was 18 to 20. I was really trying to learn Robert Johnson tunes ... Mississippi John Hurt just hit me like a truck, and that was something I had to play and be a part of. Then Taj Mahal called me up."

Harper had been playing acoustic blues sets in and around Los Angeles from the time he was 16 years old. At one of his shows, blues legend Taj Mahal noticed the serious young man playing the lap slide guitar and invited him on tour. In 1992 Harper appeared on the television show Austin City Limits as part of Mahal's band and collaborated with him on the soundtrack for The Drinking Gourd, a biography of Harriet Tubman. But Harper continued to play mostly the small local coffee shops with his vintage Weissenborn guitar, a completely hollow instrument handmade in the 1920s by Herman Weissenborn. Harper's childhood friend and producer J. P. Plunier was able to arrange meetings with Los Angeles record companies on the strength of the buzz surrounding "Like a King," but Harper's protest song scared some record executives away. In an article on the website of the American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers, Harper told Randy Grimmett about his meeting with the head of Virgin Records: "We were advised not to play 'Like a King' because it made the other A&R people nervous. So, of course, we get to the meeting and it's the first song I play. It turned out to be the song he liked most."

From that meeting Harper and Plunier received money to make a six-song demo, which turned into Harper's first album, 1994's Welcome to the Cruel World. The acoustic-based album was very different from the music that dominated the airwaves in the last gasp of the grunge era. But it was exactly that community that was most attracted to Harper's music. He and his band, The Innocent Criminals, began a marathon tour playing solo shows and warming up at the concerts of more well-known acts.

Harper told Jeffrey Pepper Rodgers of Acoustic Guitar magazine about one of his typical early shows: "I'll never forget opening up for P. J. Harvey--she invited us to tour with her. I'd sit down with an acoustic Weissenborn in front of 12-year-old girls with black eyeliner packed in the front row, looking up at me going, 'What in the hell is he playing?' But by the third or fourth song, the heads would start to nod, and then it would be on, you know. We never got stoned or anything like that--not yet."

It was during this ceaseless touring that the band worked on material for Harper's next release, 1995's Fight For Your Mind. Harper's song "Look Like Gold" also garnered some radio airtime. The record also yielded a two-year worldwide tour that found Harper travelling the globe to spread his music. Harper and his band toured throughout the United States and also in Europe and places like Turkey and New Zealand. While on the road Harper wrote material for his next album, which was released in 1997 and called The Will To Live. This record proved to be somewhat of a departure for Harper, as it featured a harder, more electric sound, especially on the record's single, "Faded," which featured a grinding electric guitar over Harper's hushed vocals. Harper was now playing with the heavyweights of the music industry such as Pearl Jam, Dave Mathews Band, and the Fugees, as well as blues and soul icons like John Lee Hooker and Ray Charles. He headlined at the HORDE Festival and played at the legendary Montreux Jazz Festival. It was this variety of influences that led to the next album, Burn to Shine, which was released in 1999. On this record Harper fully spread his musical wings, showing his quiet spiritual side in "Two Hands Of A Prayer," and from there going to the light and playful "Steal My Kisses," which attracted significant radio airplay. He went all electric on the album's title track and on "Forgiven," and ventured into the realms of reggae, soul, and even ragtime jazz on "Suzie Blue." Harper told Rodgers of Acoustic Guitar about his musical progression: "I do have to say that playing and expressing myself on electrics of late is renewing my focus and enthusiasm and excitement about acoustics. If I played only acoustic for my entire life, I would get bored. So for my own musical growth, I need to venture out into other worlds of music and sound."

Harper's versatility was showcased on 2001's Live From Mars, a two-disc concert recording. One disc features his acoustic music, including a soulful rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing," and the other disc features his more hard-edged music. Though Live From Mars was met with critical acclaim, Harper's life took a turn from the touring and recording cycle that he had known for the past six years. Harper's name began to appear in the gossip columns as much as it did in the music section of the newspapers. Late in 2001 it was reported that Harper had divorced his wife, Joanna, and bought a house in Los Angeles with actress Laura Dern. In 2002 The New York Post reported that Harper would be dropped from EMI's financially troubled Virgin record label in the midst of recording his next album. Harper also took time to found his own record label--Inland Emperor Records. His first artist, who had also appeared on selected recordings throughout Harper's four studio albums, was Patrick Brayer, the man who had given Harper his first paid gig. Brayer was the man who organized the Starvation Café series of concerts. The local concert promoter paid the stunned 16-year-old Harper half of the gate, which at that time was $75.

Whatever direction Harper's next project takes, he will remain true to his roots. He told Lisa Wilton of the Calgary Sun: "I'll never be a rock star and I'll never care to be. It doesn't interest me. It's not me being a rock star, it's me being perceived as a rock star. There's a difference. I feel no physical, spiritual, psychological or egotistical connection to that term at all. My commitment and discipline is in writing songs and playing them well live."


Day 13 - A memory that never fails to make you laugh

I really have a ton... Usually it's something stupid that I have done. One funny one is when Tricia and I stole firewood from UHual. That was pretty funny.

Day 14 - Best mashup you’ve ever heard

I have no idea what a mashup is but for some reason punk music comes to mind... So my favorite time during a punk song is when the beat gets intense and you know it time to MOSH!!! Love it!


Day 15 - A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most.

"Do the right thing, because it's the right thing to do" is a phrase that has stuck with me since 8th grade. My engligh teacher used to say this at the end of every class. She would say "Do the right thing because..." and the class would say "because it's the right thing to do"

I try to live my life by this.


Day 16 - Something that you want to do within the next five years.

Finish school and start my masters!!!! OOOOOOOOOh yeah!


Day 17 - What you want to remembered for.

For being myself, not trying to be like anybody else. Being tough and honest. having a big heart that I don't often show... but the ones that are closest know it's there. I want to make a difference! I just want to be remembered.

Day 09 - Five things you want to see change

I don't need 5 things to change.

I need one thing to change...

I want people to be more open minded!

If you are going to judge them, get to know them first.
If you don't agree with something, was there a time where you once did and something changed?
Is there 100% right and 100% wrong?
Is there no grey area?
How do you know what you know? Have you lived it? Did you read it?

Being open minded it tough. It is a skill and should be something everyone needs to strive toward. If everyone was openminded than everything else would change for the better.

Day 08 - Someone you think would make a good president

This is probably the WORST question that could be ask me to answer. If anyone knows me they will say that I am a middle of the road type of person. I can NEVER be on one side or the other. I believe there are always exceptions.

So maybe my answer would be someone who is openminded and a middle of the road type of person?

Is anyone in particular ever going to be liked or respected by everyone?

I don't think so.

Maybe we should have a royal family instead?

Day 07 - Favorite cover of your favorite song

I don't really have a favorite song...
But the cover I probably like the most is Social D's cover of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" I have always liked Social D and in my opinion, I don't think that they can't do anything poorly. Johnny Cash is always amazing and just has this way about his music and his presence. The two versions are so different but I love them both... I have to say I love Social D's a bit more, but I am a huge fan of punk.


It think this was the perfect mix and wish they would have actually collaborated in a few music endevours.

Here is the Socail D version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk5JUp27_Oo

Here is the Johnny Cash version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRlj5vjp3Ko

Day 06 - Earliest thing you can remember

I am not exactly sure what my first memory is. I guess it could be a few things.

I do remember sitting on the floor eating pizza with my Mom and Dad. It must have been when we first moved into the house in Lake Elsinore. We didn't have our furniture in the house yet, so we were all on the floor. I must have been around the age of two. I don't remember much else except that we didn't have stairs by the front door yet so my Dad would pick me up and set me in the house.

I guess that would be the earliest thing I can remember. Not too exciting!